Being in a relationship with someone avoidant can be draining. Their discomfort with intimacy and fear of rejection can lead to withdrawal, leaving you confused and questioning yourself. But remember, this dynamic isn’t a reflection of you.
Instead of constantly seeking their attention, it’s time to prioritize your own well-being. Focus on activities and relationships that nourish you. By taking this step back, you create space for them to potentially address their own issues, or for the relationship to take a natural course.
10 Things That Happen When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant
1. You Free Yourself From Always Trying To Win Them Over
The moment you stop chasing an avoidant, you break free from the cycle of seeking their approval and liberate yourself from emotional burdens. This allows you to focus on yourself.
In the long run, this newfound freedom allows you to reconnect with old friends, immerse yourself in new hobbies that have long piqued your interest, or engage in creative activities that light you up from within. It could be joining a book club, taking a pottery class, or reading that novel that’s been on your mind.
2. The Insecure Feeling Fades Away
Not chasing an avoidant takes away the worry you have about how they feel. You start feeling less anxious and more secure, and begin to understand your own worth and value. You see that someone else’s emotional distance doesn’t mean you’re not lovable or capable.
This new confidence helps you look for relationships where people love you back and care about your feelings.
3. You Begin To Focus More On What You Desire In A Relationship
When you stop focusing on the person who’s not giving you attention, you get a chance to think about what you really want or desire in a relationship.
You can figure out what matters most to you, like someone who’s there for you, shares your beliefs, or talks openly. For instance, ask yourself: Do you want someone who supports you and is happy when you succeed? Someone you can count on?
Maybe you enjoy deep talks and sharing ideas, or perhaps you need hugs and kind words to feel close and loved. This is the time to understand what makes you happy and feel valued in a relationship
4. You Begin To Pursue Your Personal Growth
Instead of chasing after an avoidant, use that energy to develop yourself. Try out hobbies you’ve been curious about, like learning a new language, playing an instrument, or doing that DIY (do-it-yourself) project.
Hang out with friends who make you feel good and cheer for you. Catch up with old pals or find a club that likes what you like.
Work on being kinder to yourself, maybe by meditating or writing in a journal. When you focus on improving yourself, you become stronger and feel good about yourself, no matter what others think.
5. They (an avoidant) May Want To Reconnect
Sometimes, when you stop chasing an avoidant, they might start to miss you or feel worried. They may feel lost or not know what to do because things have changed.
They might try to talk to you again, to see if you’re still interested. But remember, they might not really want to change. They could just want things to go back to how they were, where they were in control. If they try to come back, be careful. Think about whether they really want to fix their problems and make things better between you two.
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6. The Relationship May Evolve Or End
Not chasing an avoidant can be a turning point in the relationship. The person might start to look inward and realize they need to work on their fear of getting close to others. They might get therapy, which can help them learn better ways to deal with their feelings and form stronger bonds. If they’re willing to try, this could lead to a better and happier relationship.
But if things stay the same, you might drift apart. This can hurt, but it also lets you find someone who can give you the love and care you deserve. This tough experience can make you stronger and teach you to value your own happiness more.
7. You Become More Independent And Self-Reliant
By discovering a fresh sense of self-sufficiency and confidence, you may realize that the need for constant affirmation from others is no longer a driving force in your life.
This newfound independence can be incredibly liberating, instilling a powerful sense of autonomy that enhances every facet of your existence. It’s like unlocking a new level of personal freedom where you trust your own judgments and celebrate your unique journey, leading to a more balanced and self-directed life.
8. You Become Emotionally Available To Others
By turning your attention inward and recovering from the emotional upheaval of chasing an avoidant, you open yourself up to deeper connections with those who are secure and open to intimacy.
This personal growth fosters a readiness within you to establish relationships that are balanced and mutually nurturing. As you heal, you’ll find that you’re not just ready to connect, but you’re also more discerning, seeking out partners who are willing to engage in a genuine exchange of care, support, and affection.
9. You Set Boundaries In Future Relationships
This experience with an avoidant can empower you to set firm boundaries in your future relationships. You’ll become more adept at identifying and steering clear of unhealthy patterns or partners who shy away from commitment.
With enhanced awareness, you’ll spot warning signs sooner and possess the self-assurance to leave situations that don’t meet your emotional requirements. This proactive approach ensures that you invest in relationships that are healthy, supportive, and in harmony with what you truly deserve.
10. You Might Find Peace And Acceptance
In the end, you might find peace and acceptance that bring calm to your heart. You reconcile with the past and step forward, armed with a clearer understanding of your desires and necessities.
You might even embrace a feeling of thankfulness for the journey, recognizing that it has fortified your spirit and carved out a more profound appreciation for your own value. This experience, though challenging, becomes a cherished chapter in your story, one that teaches you the art of self-worth and the beauty of moving on with grace.
