According to relationship experts, using the wrong words is responsible for over 50% of failed relationships. This is because every relationship thrives on open communication, however, even the most loving partners can slip into using careless words that unintentionally hurt or belittle each other. Whether it’s said during a heated argument or a casual remark, there are certain phrases that have the power to sting long after the initial outburst.
While you don’t have to always sugarcoat your words, its important to understand the power of words and choosing them with intention. In this article, here are 25 things that your partner should always leave unsaid to build a loving and supportive relationship.
Your Partner Should Never Use Push-down Statement
1. “You’re so annoying”
It disrespectful and dismissive for your partner to call you “annoying” as it implies that your behavior is negative and unworthy of understanding.
2. “You’re lucky I’m with someone like you.”
Even though this phrase sounds playful and flattering on the surface, it holds more than that and can be detrimental to a healthy relationship. If your partner says this to you, it could mean that they don’t value your self-worth. It implies that you should feel grateful for their presence regardless of your contributions to the relationship.
3. “You’re overreacting/too sensitive/crazy.”
This phrase labels your emotions as unreasonable and shouldn’t be accepted. No one should make you feel like you are crazy or too sensitive to express yourself in the way you do. When your partner says this, it can easily chip away at your self-esteem and make you question your emotional validity.
Also, this shutdown phrase can create a barrier in communication as you try to bottle up your feelings which can lead to resentment and unresolved issues.
4. “I could have done it better”
If your partner says this to you, they are trying to imply that you are not good enough and make you feel inadequate. Also, they are trying to shift the blame on you and avoid accountability. What this does is that it leaves you feeling frustrated and insecure.
5. “Nobody else would want you.”
In a world with over 2 billion people, it’s not possible that no one else wants you. This phrase as it sounds is not just emotionally abusive but also manipulative. When your partner says this to you, they are directly trying to attack your sense of self-worth and value. It also implies that you are undesirable and replaceable which can foster fear and insecurity.
As no one is truly unwanted, your partner may just say this to manipulate and control your emotions. Consequently, the fear of being alone would keep you loyal to them.
Dismissive and Invalidation Statement
6. “Your feelings don’t matter.”
Your partner should never say these 3 words together as everyone’s feelings matter and yours shouldn’t be an exception. When your partner says this to you, they deny your right to feel and dismiss your emotional reality. This implies that your feelings are insignificant, unimportant, or even imaginary.
When your partner uses this phrase, it breaks down trust and creates a distance between you. It sends the message that they don’t care about your emotional well-being, creating a barrier to intimacy and vulnerability.
7. “That’s not a big deal, get over it.”
When your partner says this to your partner, it sends the message that their emotional experiences are not valid which would create distance and resentment. Putting your partner down will shut down their willingness to share openly and honestly with you. Saying this can also erode trust and make it difficult to build a safe and supportive relationship.
8. “You’re just imagining things.”
You’re just imagining things” can be a manipulative tactic that makes someone question their sanity. Being repeatedly told that you’re “imagining things” can make someone doubt their own perceptions and mental well-being.
Saying this also implies that have a better grasp of reality than you do. It undermines trust and fosters feelings of insecurity and even worthlessness.
9. “I don’t have time for this right now”
Everyone has time but it depends on who is asking. When your partner says that they don’t have time, they make “having time” a prerequisite for addressing your needs and set an expectation that your concerns always need to wait.
10. “You need to change something for me to be happy”
When your partner places their happiness solely on your shoulders, it puts an immense burden on you . This somewhat implies that you are responsible for fixing their unhappiness while they ignore the responsibility for contributing to your own well-being.
This also makes you feel pressured to conform to your partner’s expectations to please them and suggests that their love is conditional on you changing which means you are not accepted for who you are.
Comparisons and Threats Statement
11. “My ex was better than you”
This statement is as demeaning as it sounds. When your partner directly compares you to his ex, he diminishes your unique qualities and makes you feel inadequate. It also undermines your value and creates unnecessary competition within the relationship.
Also, bringing up an ex in a negative light can stir up unresolved baggage and make it difficult for your relationship to move forward.
12. “You are just like your parents”
Being compared to your parents is a good one. However, when this is done in a negative light, it shows a lack of understanding and respect for your individuality and family background. Your partner is trying to say that your parents have negative qualities, and by extension, those qualities are now defining you.
Hearing this can be hurtful and triggering. It can damage your self esteem, and even make you internalize negative traits that you may not possess.
13. “You’re not as good as my Ex”
You are unique in your way and if your partner doesn’t see that, they probably don’t deserve you. When your partner compares you to anyone whether it’s an ex, friend, or even a fictional character, it shifts the focus away from your unique relationship and injects negativity. This statement also undermines your confidence and implies you’re somehow lacking compared to a past partner.
By saying this, they can damage your self-esteem, erode trust, and create a sense of insecurity in the relationship.
14. “I could find someone better than you”
This is a very disrespectful thing to say to your partner. It implies that your partner is looking elsewhere for fulfillment. By saying this, they ae making you feel insecurities about the relationship.
Saying this also has the tendency of minimizing the time, effort, and love invested in the relationship. With time, you may start feeling replaceable and this can diminish the value of your unique connection.
15. “I see why your ex left you”
Comparisons, especially in the context of past relationships, are rarely healthy and creates unnecessary competition and insecurity. Bringing up an ex, especially in a negative light, can reopen old wounds that you may have worked hard to overcome. Your partner may be trying to also imply that they find you flawed or lacking qualities that made your ex leave.
Using someone’s past hurt as a weapon is a major breach of trust. It can creates doubt and makes it difficult for you to feel safe and vulnerable with your partner.
Read also: 5 Love Languages Everyone Should Know
Control and Manipulation Statement
16. “You can’t see your friends/family without me”
When your partner says this to you, they attempt to dictate how your social life should be and restrict your freedom to connect with loved ones independently. They are trying to control and suffocate you which can breed insecurity and a desire to leave the relationship.
Saying this shows that your partner lacks trust and respect for your autonomy. It shows that they disregard your need for diverse relationships and personal growth outside of the relationship.
17. “No one else who put up with you”
This statement regardless of what manner it was said is very toxic. and it is commonly used by emotional abusers to control and isolate their partners. By saying this, your partner is implying that you are too flawed. They are also using this manipulative phrase to make you feel lucky to have them in your life. regardless of their actions or behavior.
Every relationship should be built on mutual love and appreciation of one another rather than , suggesting that you wouldn’t find someone else who would tolerate you.
18. “Why are you so difficult?”
Being labeled “difficult” by your partner feels like a personal attack rather than addressing the actual problem constructively. It also implies that you are the sole reason for the problem. By saying this, your partner negatively impact your self-perception and contributes to your insecurities in the relationship.
19. “You have to ask my permission for [activity].”
Even though you may need the permission of your partner to do some things, this doesn’t mean that they should limit your freedom and independence. This implies that your partner lacks trust and respect for your autonomy and ability to make decisions.
In some cases, requiring permission for every activity can be a red flag for controlling behavior. If your partner uses this phrase frequently, its important to examine the overall dynamic of the relationship.
20. “I’ll only [show affection] if you [do something]”
Your partner’s love and affection for you should be unconditional. It implies that your partner’s love is earned, not freely given, which erodes trust and security. This statement reduces the expression of love to a specific action and ignores the different ways people express and receive affection.
Consequently, love becomes linked to pressure, anxiety, and obligation which can lead to unmet needs and dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Dishonesty and Betrayal Statement
21. “I wasn’t lying, I just forgot to tell you.”
Even though everyone tends to forget something, saying “I wasn’t lying, I just forgot to tell you” implies that the information was intentionally withheld from you. It could also mean that your partner is shifting the blame on forgetfulness rather than just taking responsibility for their actions.
Rather than saying “I wasn’t lying”, you can say that “I apologize for not telling you about [information]. I understand how this makes you feel, and I should have been more open and honest.”
22. “It doesn’t mean anything, it was just a mistake”
On the surface, this phrase seems like a simple apology as mistakes are bound to happen. However, saying “It doesn’t mean anything” implies that your feelings on the issue don’t matter. In a different context, it may imply that the other person is overreacting or making a big deal out of nothing so much.
By saying “it was just a mistake,” your partner might be trying to excuse their actions without taking full responsibility for the consequences.
23. “You’re being too suspicious/jealous”
Every healthy relationship requires trust and a sense of security. When your partner says you’re “too suspicious/jealous, this can undermine your trust in them and commitment to the relationship.
This also implies that your concerns are unreasonable as they make you feel like you’re overreacting.
24. “Maybe we should just break up”
Regular threats to breakup is a red flag that shouldn’t be accepted. Using the possibility of a breakup as a threat even in heated arguments or disagreements is manipulative and hurtful. It can create a sense of instability and insecurity that undermines the foundation of trust and connection.
This statement implies that your partner may likely leave you as they don’t really value you. What this does is that it leads to self-blame for perceived shortcomings, erodes self-esteem and makes it harder to feel secure and loved.
25. “It’s your fault that we have problems”
When your partner shifts the blame to you for the problem in the relationship, they instantly place the entire responsibility for the relationship’s issues on you and ignore the fact that problems are often the result of actions and interactions from both partners.
This statement puts you on the defensive and shut down productive communication. Blaming you also dismisses your perspective and feelings. Continuously hearing this can also negatively impact your self-esteem and self-worth.
